(These letters are in raw – rough draft format – please pardon errors…Oh well ;)…thanks for being a patient supporter if you don’t really give a shit… enjoy the read. I’m getting ready to release my first 15 letters in sequence. Many are letters that have never been published online. I hope to publish near the end of January 2017 – Thank you again for your support – Mia)
People living deeply have no fear of death.- Anais Nin
There are two seasons in Minnesota which I generally enjoy – the spring and the autumn season. What’s ironic about these two seasons is that the temperature outside does tricks with a Minnesotan brain. When it is spring and 50 degrees outside, we wear spring coats, shorts and t-shirts, relishing in the warmth. When it is autumn and 50 degrees out, we put on our winter coats – shivering from being so cold.
I enjoy observing new life bloom in the spring – witnessing all of the vibrant, new colors blanketing the thawing earth as if it were a painting that is coming alive. In the fall, the ground and trees appear as if they are on fire, blazing with orange, yellow and reds, right before death – when the sadistic, winter blankets our state with thick sheets of frozen, white snow.
The earth is dying while I witness
Leaves falling from the trees
The Northwinds kiss the southern
Which chills my trembling knees
The October wind is howling
The Universe closes begins to close its eyes
Until the sun starts to beam again
For Indian Summer’s on the rise
The Earth re-awakens
Yet, only for awhile
The sun offers its last rays of warmth
In gratitude I smile
The bees are buzzin’ before the winter
The flowers bloom one last time
Before the northwinds kiss again the southern
And the sun no longer shines. – Mia Malone-Jennings – Whispers of Gold
Halloween used to be my favorite holiday – before I decided that dressing up, pretending to be anyone I want for one day is over rated. I want to dress up on any day of the year, and be who ever I wish to be. I want to grow up to be much like the fashion icon – Iris Apfel. I bet that I sound like Mrs. Curmudgeon…right? I actually stopped celebrating Halloween when I stopped being a Go-Go Dancer at Ground Zero Nightclub in NE Minneapolis, and a Burlesque Performer/Show Producer. It’s been numerous years after my departure and I still haven’t really felt like celebrating one of the best American holidays of the year.
I recall the years when I couldn’t wait for Halloween to arrive. My dearest friend – who I nickname my Mary Godmother owns a costume store in a suburb of Minneapolis, where I love to spend any extra cash and time. I would pick out my costume at the costume shop usually in July when the Halloween shipments first come into the store and put my elaborate costume on the layaway plan. My first costume was a white and gold, Greek Goddess gown. It took me five weeks to pay for it – paying a sum of 25 dollars each installment.
I call the store owner my Mary Godmother because she has supplied me with the most gorgeous Go- Go and burlesque costumes for over a decade – making me always feel like Miarella. Some girls only dream of having a Fairy Godmother. I’ve had the real deal. This woman has been a mother figure to me. She is my mentor and one of my dearest friends. I can count on this female friendship to always last. My Mary Godmother is always there for me, never judging how I live my life. She is there for me- always. I am lucky for have such a wonderful person in my life. I will write more about her later.
I wore my Greek Goddess costume on the evening I performed in my very first Ground Zero Halloween Skit at Ground Zero Nightclub in NE Minneapolis. There are two notorious Gothic nightclubs in Minneapolis – First Avenue Nightclub and Ground Zero Nightclub. I’ve performed at both and love them dearly. I have a fondness for Ground Zero. It’s my home, where I loved to dance and perform as a submissive. My name’s even immortalized on their nightclub wall and in the dressing room. However, First Avenue is where I got my start in fashion design (upcycling clothing) and Dr. Farrago’s Burlesque Theater.
Back in the day, GZ was notorious for their Halloween Extravaganza’s and the skits produced by the owner, MW. I had been performing as a Bondage A-Go – Go Dancer for at least two years. I believe this is the very first skit I performed in and I was so fucking nervous. It felt as if a dozen bats were set loose in the pits of my bowels, fluttering their creepy wings deep inside my lower belly. My anxiety rose like vomit up my stomach and esophagus, but I swallowed it down as I read the intricate, short, skit that the owner wrote. I was not good at recalling the exact details of the skit in a very short amount of time. I had about 20 minutes to digest it. I feared that I would disappoint everyone because I had one of the main characters – Shegor. I was re-creating Mistress Jeanenstein.
I’m going to try to recall the precise sequence of events during this gruesome, electrifying Halloween skit. It’s been a very long time since I performed it onstage. I remember how my heart raced so fast – my thoughts whirled inside my brain, nervously attempting to memorize the order of the script I was reading during rehearsal. The stage looked eerie and amazing. An evil genius named Sparky and the owner designed the set – appearing as if a dark and creepy laboratory. There was even an electrifying Jacob’s Ladder – created by Sparky, and a medical gurney with a tray of gruesome, female, body parts made of rubber behind a white screen.
An hour prior to Ground Zero’s doors opening for patrons, permitting them to enter the nightclub’s big Halloween extravaganza, we rehearsed the skit. As we ended it in rehearsal, and I was pretending to do naughty things to Mistress Jeaninstein – the bra she wore pierced through my cheek, causing real blood to drip down my body and onto the stage floor. Her bra wasn’t any ordinary bra. It had been made for MJ by a person who welded it for her. It was made of iron. Each cup had several points which were very sharp. MJ’s bra appeared gorgeous but was dangerous if anyone got too close to it.
On very special nights at Ground Zero, such as Halloween, New Years, and the infamous Rubber Balls, the DJ always played the very best of Electronic Dance Music. I was always the first performer to begin dancing on the catwalk, or stair landing and the last one to finish at the end of the night. I had passion, a creative soul and stamina. I lived breathed and dreamed of music and dancing. On nights like Halloween, I fed off the high energy of the crowds like a vampire does on blood – especially when these patrons were just as excited about Halloween as I was, cloaked in the most creative costumes. The people who attended Ground Zero on Halloween loved the holiday as much as I did. They didn’t give a shit about a costume contest – as long as they could dress up. GZ never hosted any Halloween costume contests when I performed at this nightclub as a Bondage A-Go-Go Dancer. People arrived dressed in the most wicked, creative costumes – arriving for the dancing and to see the midnight stage show, which was always spectacular.
It was most likely near midnight when I finished performing with MJ as her submissive upstairs in the loft. I scurried down the steps in a pair of black, thong panties and black, electrical tape covering my large, round, brownish-pink nipples. My ass was flaming red from the spankings I had just received. It kept my body warm and my blood tingling with a mad rush of endorphins. I felt high on pure adrenaline.
“It’s time to get ready for the skit,” I heard someone tell me when I entered the dressing room which was scattered with numerous duffle bags and little suitcases which carried their costumes for the night, an array of cosmetics bags, boxes, stage make up, fake blood, curling irons, hot curlers, and cheap plastic glasses that were partially filled of alcoholic drinks.
“Shit!” I exclaimed to MJ as I put on some small, black, fancy lingerie, a corset, and a white lab coat. “What if I don’t recall the exact sequence of how to put you back together again?”
“Don’t worry,” MJ responded wearing a small pair of black, thong panties, with an overlay of pointed metal panties, as well as the beautifully welded bra and panties a patron of the club had made for her, months prior. I feared her bra because the side of my cheek still throbbed from where it had pierced through it during rehearsal. “I’ll be behind the screen. If you forget, just ask me. Just go with the flow. You’ll figure out what to do. I always do.”
“Who is this Shegor character anyways? “ I was so nervous and full of apprehension that I pronounced Shegor as Shygor inside my head during rehearsal. I had no clue I was playing the female equivalent to Egor – the mad scientist’s assistant. This could’ve ruined the entire skit. But, because I didn’t know, I added my own style to this version of Shegor. I was supposed to wear my hair all messy and perform with a bad limp. I couldn’t afford wigs at the time and my hair was too thick to put under it. My hair was too dense to keep it appearing messed up with hairspray. Back then, I had the Bettie Page hairstyle. I didn’t know that I was the equivalent to Egor, hence no bad limp either – just sexy hip bumping, hip grinding and hip gyrating. It was so much fun! (There are times when I’m grateful to be an idiot savant)
“Art teaches nothing, except for the significance in life.”—Henry Miller
When the curtain went up at midnight and the naughty, eerie, sexy skit started, everything became a dreamy blur. I was so nervous I wanted to puke on stage. But, soon, Shegor became my own creation. I was grateful that I was too busy to stop to get something to eat on the way to GZ. I wasn’t going to puke a hamburger and fries all over the stage. That would’ve been disgusting.
On stage there was a gruesome table full of rubberized, female body parts, soaked in fake blood. I pretended I was evil and very interested in each piece. I started with the hands and feet, strutted and dancing naughtily, until it was time to take them back behind the screen. MJ’s body was silhouetted by dim light behind the large white screen. The borders facing the audience flickered with electric lights. The patrons can visually see me piecing this gorgeous creature together again behind the screen. When it came time to put Mistress Jeaninstein’s va-jay-jay back inside of MJ – I strutted on stage sexily, before creeping behind the screen, teasing all the girls who plastered their bodies against the stage. They stared at me with starry eyes when I demonstrated how my fingers would tease and taunt a pretty pussy like the eerie, bloody one I was handling. I believe that was my favorite part of the skit. I love to make others feel something when I’m dancing on stage, in a cage, or high on a catwalk. I love to make others feel something when I’m creating art, sewing, sculpting, writing, or performing on stage. It’s a large rush for me. It’s the reason I am an artist. I definitely didn’t do it for the money.
No one had any clue that MJ had been talking to me behind the silhouetted screen, telling me which order the body parts go into her. I had never acted on stage before, nor given a complex script which I had to memorize in about fifteen minutes. I was pretty much performing with an impromptu spirit – going with the flow when I forgot how the script went. The Halloween skits each year, only lasted approximately ten minutes, so I didn’t have a lot to recall. However, to me those ten panicked moments felt like an hour. However, once I found my zone – abandoning every my sense of my nervousness, I discovered my theatrical flow and went with it. Once I did, time flew past quickly.
Soon, Mistress Jeanenstein had been recreated. Shegor beamed with pride when she led her new, lovely creation out from behind the screen. Moments later – Shegor and her monster were lasciviously bonding on stage. This time, no one’s cheek was pierced by the monster’s pointing, metal bra.
The curtain comes down – lights go dark – dance music begins to play- end of skit.
I must admit that it was the skits that interested me the most at Ground Zero Nightclub. I arrived as a Dancer/submissive when the GZ players performed a skit every Thursday night. I adore dancing. Yet, it was the naughty skits produced on stage that made me a dedicated performer for so many years. It took two years of dedicated Go-Go dancing and being a performance submissive, much like the character, Mimi, in the infamous book by Steig Larson, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, to get to perform in my very first skit. If I hadn’t befriended the notorious Jean Bardot, I do not think my time at GZ would’ve been so eventful.
I wish I could go back in time – stop it for a decade – when I could remain in my 30’s forever. If you are a young woman reading this – live your thirties well. Make the memories last forever.
Actually we are a vulgar, pushing mob whose passions are easily mobilized by demagogues, newspaper men, religious quacks, agitators and such like. To call this a society of free peoples is blasphemous. What have we to offer the world besides the superabundant loot which we recklessly plunder from the earth under the maniacal delusion that this insane activity represents progress and enlightenment? —Henry Miller