mia loves henry miller
Letter 28 – Mr. California Man, A Glance at the Past: Tainted Love
1/17/12- 9:15 a.m.
“In the end you have to come back to yourself. It has got to be you doing something whatever you decide upon. Do what you think you have to do and don’t try to follow somebody else’s pattern because he was successful. You can’t be that way. You are you. You’re absolutely unique and each one has his own destiny. We can learn as much as we wish, listen to the greatest masters and so on, but what we do, what we become, is determined by our character. It is impossible to transmute the bad into the good, the wrong into the right. There is always this possibility. It would be an utterly uninteresting world if everything remained what it seemed to be. I do believe in transmutation. For example, two men are put in prison. One man is utterly despairing; if released he may commit murder again. The other man goes through some inner change and comes out a new man.” –Henry Miller, My Life and Times
Dear Henry Miller,
If we are wise, fortunate, and strong willed enough, we leave our past in the past and move forward in life. But, sometimes I need to take a glance back to the past to realize how far I’ve come. I feel the need to venture to the past and tell you about an important event in my life – two, amazing, yet, emotionally confusing weeks, that changed everything for me and the path that I walk upon today.
It was around this time of year, fifteen years ago. I had been conversing with a man via emails, phone and chatting with him online, for about two months. I was still married to my first husband, Mr. D.A. We had married young – I had just turned nineteen years old. We were now approaching our ten year wedding anniversary. My children were very young at this time. My first husband and I fought all the time, which was very unhealthy for me and for the kids to witness or to be around. I didn’t realize how unhappy I was in this marriage, until I left, to visit this gentleman in California, who I will name Mr. California Man. He told me he could help me sell the mystery, detective novel I was working on. I was young, naïve and desperate enough for success – so I believed that he could help me. Sometimes weird things happen, which turn out to be the best things in my life. Continue reading