mia loves henry miller
Letter 35 – Mr. Camera Man, Art, Music, and Erotica
2/1/12 – 10:31 p.m.
Dear Henry Miller,
It’s been a long day. I’m one day away from showtime. I’m still dealing with show drama stuff. Someday I will laugh at these obnoxious moments. Today, they don’t seem as funny. I wanted to write you a letter earlier today, but, I haven’t had the chance until now. I’m surprised that I even have the energy to open up a new word document and begin typing. I’m yawning in between words.
I remember one evening in early summer – the year I met Mr. C. He had me in a tightly precarious position, bound, naked and submissive. We were playing; spankings, toys, hot, sensual, dripping, candle wax and the sensation of fear instilled by verbal communication. It made my blood chill me right to the bone. My eyes got HUGE when I heard Mr. C whisper hotly near my ear, “I’m going to get a camera and take photos of you like this. And there is nothing you can do.”
Part of me knew he wouldn’t really do it, yet, I didn’t really know. Our relationship was so new. He could have gotten his vintage Nikon camera and clicked away and I could not have done anything about it. It was frightening. But, I thought that it made our hours of play time more thrilling. It added depth to our scene like tiny details in a painting.
I actually really don’t like having my photo taken. I apologize for taking away from the fantasy that I like to fuck the camera lens. But, it takes an army to motivate me to do a photo shoot. Mr. C and one of my dearest friends who is not a lover, Mr. D, are pretty much the only people I feel most comfortable with in front of the camera, and it took me a long time. I get so nervous to work with other photographers. I can’t help it. Mr. C and I would get into fights whenever it came time to do a new photo shoot for MindCaviar.com or my erotic web site. I’m pretty pathetic.
When I was doing photo shoots with Mr. C, he eventually learned it was easier to turn on the music and let me dance and just snap away. I learned to forget about the camera when I had music and dancing. It was easier to do more intimate photos with Mr. C because we have a strong bond of trust and a deep love that makes my connection with him more intimate and less frightening. One day I will conquer my fear of the camera and learn to feel natural in front of it.
Many years ago, when I was writing for MindCaviar.com, I met an amazing woman in the erotica writing industry. Her name is Oceania. She has such an amazingly sexy voice. She is also a very talented erotic writer and a wonderful woman. Many years ago, she inspired me to write a piece of poetry, to record it with me reading it, and set it to music, for her web site Lensfucking.com. I found a very talented musician in Minneapolis and a studio to help me with this on a zero budget. I was very fortunate to have the help of two ingenious men put this together for me.
I thoroughly enjoyed being in the studio and creating this composition. It was a thrilling, creative process, one I could become addicted to. What I love about music and words is that it costs nothing to pull it from your imagination, transcending it into sublime substance.
Tonight, Mr. C took a collection of photos of myself and art work I have created or have posed for, over the past decade, and the Lensfucking audio and made a video. I figured that I had all this visual content and an mp3 not being used. I might as well incorporate it into this letter/blog as if it were items used in a found object sculpture, using everything I can to create art.
I’m super tired Henry. I must get some sleep. I need to get up early. I’m too exhausted to frill this letter out with quotes and excerpts from books.